EXT PARK BENCH (exterior scene)
(Brian sitting alone on park bench studiously writing.)
ALICE OC (off camera)
…so we’ll meet up later and I’ll fill you in.
ZOEY
You sure you feel safe with this guy; you know what kind of creeps you’ve
met in the past.
(Brian hears Zoey’s voice and begins writing furiously.)
ALICE
Hey, I’m a great judge of character.
ZOEY
Oh, you find lot’s of characters to judge all right.
ALICE
I don’t see you with Prince Charming, oh wait,
(Glancing toward Brian)
slim and studious, there he is now.
(Alice begins walking toward Brian.)
ZOEY
What are you doing?
ALICE
I need to leave you somewhere close by and that seat is available.
(Brian sees them approaching and furious turns into nervous scribbling.)
ZOEY
Hey, I’ve got flyers I’m supposed to be passing out.
ALICE
So, start passing. Now, here’s your chance,
(whispering)
slut.
(smile)
ZOEY
(Facing away from Brian)
I’ll be right here if you need me.
(Zoey sits down still facing away from Brian as Alice walks out of scene.)
JACK VO (voice over)
Remember Brian, girls, much like dinosaurs, have the ability to sense
the slightest movement.
(Brian stiffens, stops breathing and sits very still.)
(beat)
(Zoey straightens her skirt.)
(beat)
(Zoey composes herself like she’s preparing for an interview.)
(beat)
(Zoey straightens her stack of flyers, all business like.)
(beat)
(Zoey casually glances over her shoulder at Brain.)
(beat)
(beat)
(Zoey leans away from Brian to get a better view and looks him up and down as a devilish grin appears on her face.)
(beat)
(beat)
(beat)
(Brian sits, still frozen in time.)
(Zoey turns her body toward Brian.)
(beat)
(Zoey leans up from bench and looks over Brian’s shoulder, invading his personal space.)
(beat)
ZOEY
So, whatchya workin on?
(Brian continues to sit very still.)
ZOEY
Uh, hello?
BRIAN
(Turning very slowly toward Zoey)
Uh, hi.
ZOEY
(Still in his face, almost up on one knee, grabs his notebook.)
I said “Whatchya workin on?”
(Smiling)
(Zoey demurely adjusts her dress realizing the whole world just saw her
business and she gets comfortable on the bench.)
BRIAN
I, uh, am working on a drawing.
ZOEY
(Looking intently at the drawing, ignoring Brian’s worried face)
Don’t I know you?
BRIAN
Yeah, I, uh, we’re in the same Art class.
ZOEY
(Looking intently into Brian’s face.)
Oh, you’re the boy that sits by himself in the far corner of the room.
BRIAN
I like to keep my art to myself.
ZOEY
(Handing pad back after turning all directions trying to make sense of
it)
I can understand why.
BRIAN
(Temporarily forgetting that he is talking with a girl, he loosens up
a little.)
No, this is just my warming up, it doesn’t count, I’M REALLY MUCH BETTER THAN THAT.
ZOEY
(Skepticism mixed with humor.)
Oh, OK. You sure seem nervous, is it me?
BRIAN
I, uh, am just, uh, sometimes I get nervous around girls.
ZOEY
Do you want me to go?
BRIAN
No, I’m supposed to be working on a paper, having trouble getting in the
mood, the doodling was just something while I was thinking about what to
write.
ZOEY
What’s the paper for?
BRIAN
Psychology.
(Panic sets in as he fears where the conversation is going to go, oh life
is cruel.)
ZOEY
So, what’s the paper about?
BRIAN
People’s behavior.
ZOEY
Yeah, I got that, you did say Psychology, right; I mean that pretty much
sums up the whole science.
BRIAN
Well,
BRIAN VO
What would jack do?
BRIAN
It’s a paper about the deep and profound experience of romantic
relationships.
ZOEY
(Expressionless)
Got some experience in that area.
BRIAN
(Surprised)
Uh, well, uh …
ZOEY
Maybe I can help you with that
(beat)
later…
BRIAN
Uh,
(Choking, coughing, turning bright red)
uh…
ZOEY
(continuing)
but I have to get going, oh,
(handing him a flyer)
I’d love
(deep sincere look in her eyes at the word love)
you to attend my art show. Bye.
INT GARAGE (interior scene)
(Broken glass again with splintered wood, both boys.)
JACK
I’m telling you Brian, girls just don’t get it. They think guys just have a
one track mind, that all we want is sex, HELLO, so, what’s their point, I
mean the Bible says to go forth and multiply, HELLO.
BRIAN
Oh, I get it. Man how come you know so much about the Bible?
JACK
I tell you Brian, the Bible’s where it’s all at. Men ruling over women,
yeah that’s what it’s all about. You know Solomon was the wisest man ever, well, duh, you’d have to be to have that many wives and not kill
yourself.
BRIAN
(In awe)
Wow, I didn’t realize you knew…
JACK
(continuing)
One story says where two women were fighting and he told them he’d cut
their baby in half if they didn’t shut up or something like that, imagine
trying to do that today.
BRIAN
Yeah, even as a joke, they’d lock you up.
JACK
You just don’t get it, Brian, he wasn’t joking, this is serious stuff
the Bible.
BRIAN
(Somewhat confused)
Uh, oh,
(New thought)
I got something to tell you about.
JACK
Oh yeah?
BRIAN
Yeah, it’s about a girl.
JACK
So, you met one finally?
BRIAN
Yeah, I…
JACK
(interrupting)
So you’ve been practicing that line, eh, told you it’d work.
(Big grin)
BRIAN
Well, actually…
JACK
(interrupting)
Like I told ya Brian, it’s not easy being me but you keep practicing and
you’ll have all kinds of girls, gotta go.
(Jack walks out of the garage through the kitchen door, turning off the
light.)
(Brian stands in darkness, looks directly into camera and shrugs.)
(if you like the above excerpt, ask about the Practice Girl, otherwise, just hit the back button)
